Friday, October 19, 2012
Fidel Goes to Hell
Mephistopheles greets Fidel Castro at the gates of hell, “Hello my friend, welcome to your new home!” He escorts Fidel through the gate and firmly closes it behind him. “Before we go any further I have to ask you a few questions. I hope you understand.”
“Of course.” Castro replies, “Go right ahead.”
“Well first, do you smoke?”
“You know I do! I love my Havanas!”
“That’s great because on Mondays around here all we do is smoke. Cigars, pipes, cigarettes, only the finest of tobaccos. We smoke until we are sick and then we smoke some more. What’s it gonna do kill you? You’re already dead!”
“Ok I guess that make sense.” Castro replies with a pleased look on his face.
“Next then, do you drink?”
“Of course I do. Good Cuban beer. And I have to confess, I like good American Bourbon, I never cared for that Russian Vodka.” Castro was clearly getting excited; this place was beginning to sound like party central.
“Wonderful my friend because on Tuesdays all we do is drink, beer, bourbon, whatever you want! We drink until we puke and then we drink some more! What’s it gonna do, kill you? You’re already dead!”
Castro’s grin widened, “I got to tell you I’m sure begining to like the sound of this place!”
“Perfect then. Next question, do you take drugs?”
“Well Che and I did smoke some weed while we were hiding in the mountains from Batista and his troops. And then when we helped the Columbians ship all that cocaine to those decadent Americans we always took a few samples! Castro said now openly laughing with his new friend.
“Ok then because on Wednesdays we do drugs, lots of drugs, we have unlimited supplies! Weed, cocaine, heroin, what ever we want. We smoke it, snort it inject it. What’s it gonna do kill you? You’re already dead!”
Fidel was now ecstatic at the thought. Hell truly was going to be the just reward for the righteous socialist. All the murders, all his hard work and four hour long speeches were going to find their reward!
Mephistopheles smiled a wide grin and said “Ok one more question, are you gay?”“No!” Castro sharply replied. “That is nothing more than capitalist decadence! I will have no part of it!”
Mephistopheles’s smile was gone, replaced with a serious frown. “Well that then is just to bad, because it looks like every day is going to be Thursday for you!”